Dad’s Reflections @ 9 months

Well it is finally here – Jada’s due date. I’m sitting in my office this morning looking at some photos of Allie and my beautiful little girl, and I can’t help but wonder where the time has gone. It just blows my mind to think that a year ago Allie and I were praying so hard that God would give us a child of our own. It’s even more astonishing to think that five months ago we were sitting in a bungalow in St. Lucia reading how-to books about raising twins and dreaming of the two extra stockings that we would add to the chimney this holiday season (three if we include Zilker!).

In many ways, as I think back on the last five months I’m reminded that these were by far the darkest days of my life.  Words just can’t describe the gut wrenching emotions that Allie and I experienced, and I still get choked up when I think about the experiences that I will never have with Reese – teaching her how to ride a bike, her first day of school, and the daddy / daughter dance at her wedding.  But at the same time, I also think about how blessed Allie and I have been to see Jada develop over the last 16 weeks. It has reminded me how much of a miracle life really is, and has created a bond with Miss Jada that I’ll never be able to explain…and which her future husband will just have to deal with.

More importantly, this experience has completely transformed my relationship with God and has given my life a new purpose. I’ve learned to continually take a step back and view my life from 30,000 ft.  Through this process I’ve realized that life is more about relationships than accomplishments, and I’ve started to invest my time accordingly. I’ve also realized that as men we tend to compartmentalize our lives, which just makes it harder to live the life that God has called us to. But above all else I’ve learned that God has called me to diligently serve my family, and I can assure you there is no greater calling.

As the first chapter of Jada’s life comes to a close (whether it is next week, or next month), I am filled with excitement with what God will do next. I look forward to watching as my little girl reaches the next set of milestones – crawling, walking and whatever happens in between. And despite the struggles that we have endured, I assure you that I wouldn’t take any of it back. God has called us to this mission, and I am so excited to be along for the ride.

I’ll leave you with the first entry I made in Jada & Reese’s journal back in April. It’s funny how true these words are today, as they were back then.

April 7, 2009

Well hello. By the time you both can read this we will have known each other all too well, but for now you are literally just a blank canvas. However, for some reason I’m already sure that I love you, and I want you to know that I love your mom more than you can possibly imagine.

The gift of life is probably the most special gift that God gives us, and I am literally filled with joy that He has entrusted your mom and me with the responsibility to care for, love and raise both of you. I am really looking forward to the next 9 months and the lifetime of joyful memories that we will have together. I look forward to being your father, teaching you about our God, and ultimately becoming your friend. Just know this: Allie (your mom!) and I chose you both, and have loved you long before we ever set eyes on you.  And if I can only give you one piece of advice, make sure you tell your mom that you love her. She can’t possibly love you anymore then she already does. I promise that you will never find a better mom.

I love you,

Dad